Tim Pratt
SF and Fantasy Writer

Bordertown Book Giveaway Contest

People! I am throwing a contest. You can win a copy of Welcome to Bordertown, the awesome anthology that’s relaunching the beloved shared-world contemporary fantasy series.

My story “Our Stars, Our Selves” features a would-be rock star, and in recognition of that fact, here’s what you do to win:

Give me your best imaginary name for a band.

That’s it. Leave your ideal imaginary band name in the comments here, any time between now and midnight Pacific time on Friday, May 20th. I will choose my favorite (I dare not say “the best”), and the winner will be sent a copy of the anthology. One entry per commenter, please. (If I am utterly torn and unable to choose among the top contenders, I will apply some sort of randomization to determine the winner from that pool.) Do include an e-mail of some kind so I can contact you in case you win.

(Fake band names only, please. The point isn’t to promote your emocore shoegaze string quartet, no matter how cool your name is, though of course I wish you the best of luck.)

I mean, I assume everyone else is like me and my friends, in that every time you utter or encounter an unusual phrase, you immediately declare, “That’s going to be the name of my next band.” (I’ve named lots of fictional bands, from Allison Wonderland to Feral Sex Herd to Vicodin Love Confession — though I had to take that last one out of a novel when an actual band started using it as their name.) Now you can turn that band-naming impulse into sweet free book profit!

80 Responses to “Bordertown Book Giveaway Contest”

  1. Patrick Derrickson Says:

    My band name:

    The Borderland Express.

  2. secretseasons Says:

    I am saddened to report that “St Vincent and the Grenadines” — which I’ve always thought was an awesome band name — is a real band with such hits as “Hee Hank ‘t Is Je Vrouw” (they’re Dutch).

    So I guess that doesn’t count as my entry.

  3. admin Says:

    Ah, the heartbreak of reality stealing our good ideas! I know it well.

  4. Paco Garcia Jaen Says:

    The name of the band is….

    Capitan Crunch and the Cereal Killers!

    Silly metal all the way!

  5. Paul (@princejvstin) Says:

    “The Timey Wimey Cover Band”

  6. secretseasons Says:

    OK, this thread is really bumming me out. I have a text file (‘bandnames.txt’) of lots of these. I hadn’t checkup on them before. Two more that I thought were genius but are real bands: “The Middle Eight” and “The Anchor Babies”.

    I give up.

  7. secretseasons Says:

    s/checkup/checked up/

  8. Tim Pratt Says:

    Aw, man, and The Anchor Babies would have been a major contender! (You can post one without checking if it’s real. I’ll probably never know. I’m lazy.)

  9. Micah Joel Says:

    My next band will be named Thaumaturge.

  10. Josh Gentry Says:

    Is It Organic

  11. Hugh Says:

    How about “Righteous Eggplant?”

  12. Jordy Jensky Says:

    In college my roommate and I put together a list of fictional band names. The ones I remember:
    Fascist Bicycle
    Uncle Farooq
    13 1/2 MPH Curve

    I know, shocking none of them ever came to fruition 😉

  13. Mikael Dahl Says:

    Wheezy Lumpkins would be my suggestion.

    The best band name I’ve heard comes from a Dylan Moran stand-up show: Mongoloid Porn Inferno
    “That sounds like such a busy evening.”

  14. Emily Says:

    Judas and the Oppressors.

  15. Ryan Nutick Says:

    My band name would:

    Flawed Dog Rising

  16. Cheryl Hinterleitner Says:

    The Spacey-Wasey Project

  17. Michelle John Says:

    I cannot tell you how excited I am that they’re relaunching Bordertown! I REALLY WANT that book so I’m entering your contest.

    How about Ophelia Dreaming

    or Strangers in Strange Lands?

    You see? I’m willing to embarrass myself for a chance to win this book!

  18. Ahimsa Says:

    I have a lot of potential band names (and no musical talent) but my latest:

    The Split Infinitives.

  19. Krystal Clemons Says:

    Band name: A tribute to my sixth finger
    first album title: Never there but always in thought

  20. MikeMagpuyo Says:

    Band name thinking = you’ll never be bored again.
    My suggestion would be, “Circus Specimen”

  21. Carmen Says:

    The Coffee-Fueled Straycats

  22. Sasha Says:

    “Edgy hedgehogs” imagine hedgehogs with mohawks. :)

  23. Amanda Says:

    Purple Kinkajous

  24. terri m moore Says:

    Last Exit In Ohio!

    saw it on a sign once.

  25. Ken Says:

    Vampires with Amplifiers

  26. Anne Delekta Says:

    screech of dissonant flowers

  27. Krystina Says:

    What about: “[insert awesome band name here]” as my entry.

  28. Dot Hutchison Says:

    Hmm, a band name…

    I tease my roommate constantly that she’s going to front for a band called Demented Velociraptor. Then she usually roars at me. 😀

  29. Rebekah L Purdy Says:

    Okay, I had a few ideas, but since we’re limited to one, I’ll go with…Drumroll please…

    Captain Termite and the Peg Legs

  30. Emily Says:

    Kali and the Backup Smurfs

  31. Nellie Says:

    Cataclysmic Breakdown. :)

  32. Stacey Says:

    Big Dirty Limo.

  33. Alyx Dellamonica Says:

    High Chance of Gore

  34. Robin Says:

    “Getting Dressed Out of the Dryer”

  35. googlefish Says:

    Black Heart Envy

  36. Alexander Osias Says:

    “King Philip and the Sons of Morris”

  37. Drew Says:

    mmm how about “twisted butterflies”?

  38. S Lynn Says:

    “Temporary Burning Sensation”.

  39. And another contest! | The Bordertown Blog Says:

    […] it. Leave your ideal imaginary band name in the comments on my blog, any time between now and midnight Pacific time on Friday, May 20th. I will choose my favorite (I […]

  40. Laminda Says:

    “Matty and the Groves”, who would play traditional folk ballads with punk rock intensity.

  41. Amy Z. Says:

    One Last Minute

  42. Jess Miller Says:

    Savage Hippies


  43. Beth Says:

    Physic Dingo

  44. Katya Says:

    My friend and I made up an imaginary hipster band in high school so we could tell people about it and say “you’ve never heard of it”. The band was Black & White Suicide Mission and our first single was called Rocking the Dunce Cap.

  45. Em Says:

    I’ve always wanted to name a band “Green on Thursday”.

  46. Jennifer Says:

    Spastic Amoebae.

  47. Melissa (My World...in words and pages) Says:

    Oh, this is the first I’ve heard of the book. And it sounds like a great read! Thank you for the chance to win a copy. :)

    Hmmm, band name… that is hard as I’m not sure what style of music, but I will try one for you. :)

    Space Finns

  48. JRVogt Says:

    Heads in the Sand.

  49. Mia MacHatton Says:

    Seven Chicken Nightmare.

  50. Barry J. Northern Says:

    Arthur Ian Legend and the Bubblebath Marching Band

  51. Chuk Says:

    I think Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo would be a good band name, but only if you pronounce it right.

  52. Kip Manley Says:

    Bubbles O’Day and the Night.

  53. Ben Says:

    My Amazing Bird Burping Cat

  54. Katherin Gomez Says:

    The Sick Splits : )

  55. Katherin Gomez Says:

    The Sick Splits

  56. Michelle in Colorado Says:

    Alien Taste

  57. Kate Says:

    Love this contest!

    I’ve jumped into the lacuna and made my imaginary band “5,000 Eyelashes On A Peacock” moderate animal activists. Their first single “Mascara” raises peacock awareness. :)

  58. Tim M. Says:

    Three Laws

  59. Mary Branscombe Says:

    And The Lady Said Stet

  60. Kimberly B. Says:

    “The Dead White Guys”. Sort of like the “Rock Bottom Remainders”, only with historians, not authors.
    Thanks for the great giveaway!

  61. goetznl Says:

    Marla and the Masons

  62. Caio Marinho. Says:

    “The High-Z Supernova Search Team”

    Astronomy buffs anyone?

  63. Gary Says:

    Bride of Death
    The Jump Engines
    The Nex Big Thing
    The Masonites

    Hard to choose between the first or second listed…

  64. Sigrid Ellis Says:

    The band name is String Shellack. The first album is Frozen in Twine.

  65. Ellen Kushner Says:

    I know I can’t officially enter because of Conflict of Interest – but Tim, I love this contest so much I can hardly stand it!! So I’ll just say that my band name will be: Rivendell 9-1-1

    …I dunno. It just came to me.

  66. Soki Says:


  67. Rialian Says:

    ===Ok, off the top of my head, Daltows’ Dulcimer. (Just jumped into my head….(chuckles)

  68. Gregory Bossert Says:

    “Bury My Lady”.

    Laminda’s group “Matty and the Groves” can open for them; it’s not that “Bury My Lady” is any better, or any less drunk, it’s just that they are of noble kin…

  69. ClaireBear Says:

    Glimmer of Truth

    or, if an all-female band

    The Monstrous Regiment
    (always wanted to start that one myself)

  70. merkusa Says:

    My band entry: The Bootless Noobs

    Looking forward to reading you in Bordertown!

  71. Continuity Says:

    For the last year, my hypothetical band has been named “Schrödinger’s Yeti.” The origin is a long story, involving an online knitting-based Harry Potter rollplaying game, a feather pillow, and the mutation table in the lab of Ravenclaw Tower.

    (And this is all perfectly true. I can bring witnesses–and I was *not* the owner of the feather cushion.)

  72. Trevor Curtis Says:

    My name for a goth band I wanted to start: Kristian Zombie Vampires.

  73. ellise Says:

    Scheduled Cataclysm (always nice to pencil in your disasters)

    And I can’t help but want to spoonerize Merkusa’s entry to Newtless Boobs. Because even then it has this nice ring of a group that has no idea what they’ve just stumbled into.
    (turned me into a newt!)

  74. corva Says:

    Speak Easy and the Truth

  75. Pamela D. Lloyd Says:

    My top three band names:

    Kate and the Crackernuts

    Hedley Kow

    Elfland’s Row

  76. Carol Says:

    High Flying Floozies!

    I am Gypsy Rose, I play didj, sing, drum, dance with the band, and with our dazed groupies,in Bordertown. Come catch us at the Grass Shack, or at the Midnight Bandit!

  77. amber Says:

    i think the last band name i suggested in jest, as we were frustrated about a lack of name, was “chicken and the nuggets”

    but the last one that i thought i might use for a project (but haven’t yet, so this isn’t self-promotion…yet…) is “robot spelling bee”

  78. janeyolen Says:


    Grammar Witch



    First Star to the Right

    Touch Magic

    Humping the Heronry

    Fuck the Rapture

    Spinning the Wheel (okay, maybe not a band name but what I’m doing here!)

  79. Julia Walter Says:

    Speak Friend
    Windling’s Wallflowers
    Scooter & Aarka’an
    Mummer’s Dance
    Ron the Wolfboy
    Ysa and the Diggers
    Touch Magic

  80. Tim Pratt Says:

    Thanks everyone! The contest is over. I’ll post the winner on Monday!