Tim Pratt
SF and Fantasy Writer

The Birds and the Flies: An Officeboy Dialogue

An Officeboy dialogue, which occurred more-or-less as written between my son and myself last night.

Officeboy: “Flies are bad bugs.”

Me: “They don’t do us much good, it’s true.”

OB: “If there’s poop outside, flies will walk in poop, and then bring poop inside your house on their feet.”

Me: “I suppose so.”

OB: “So they’re bad!”

Me: “They’re part of the food chain though. I guess birds eat them.”

OB: “Birds eat flies?”

Me: “Sure.”

OB: “Flies eat poop!”

Me: “Indeed.”

OB: “Birds eat poop!”

Me: “Well, indirectly… but we eat birds.”

OB: “We do?”

Me: “Sure. Turkey, chickens, those are birds we eat.”

OB: “But not when they’re alive.”

Me. “Um. Correct. We do not eat birds when they’re alive.”

OB: “The birds’ owners would be mad.”

Me: “Ha. I bet they would.”

OB, confidently: “They would call 911.”

Me: “… Yes. If someone looked out their window and saw you in their yard eating one of their chickens alive, it would not surprise me if they called 911.”

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