Scientific Romance Redux
I wrote this poem for my wife on Valentine’s Day two years ago. The problem is, I don’t think I’ll ever write a better Valentine’s Day poem (though I’ll keep trying). But for all you lovers (and lovers of science fiction) here it is again:
Scientific Romance
If starship travel from our
Earth to some far
star and back again
at velocities approaching the speed
of light made you younger than me
due to the relativistic effects
of time dilation,
I’d show up on your doorstep hoping
you’d developed a thing for older men,
and I’d ask you to show me everything you
learned to pass the time
out there in the endless void
of night.
If we were the sole survivors
of a zombie apocalypse
and you were bitten and transformed
into a walking corpse
I wouldn’t even pick up my
assault shotgun,
I’d just let you take a bite
out of me, because I’d rather be
undead forever
with you
than alive alone
without you.
If I had a time machine, I’d go back
to the days of your youth
to see how you became the someone
I love so much today, and then
I’d return to the moment we first met
just so I could see my own face
when I saw your face
for the first time,
and okay,
I’d probably travel to the time
when we were a young couple
and try to get a three-way
going. I never understood
why more time travelers don’t do
that sort of thing.
If the alien invaders come
and hover in stern judgment
over our cities, trying to decide
whether to invite us to the Galactic
Federation of Confederated
Galaxies or if instead
a little genocide is called for,
I think our love could be a powerful
argument for the continued preservation
of humanity in general, or at least,
of you and me
in particular.
If we were captives together
in an alien zoo, I’d try to make
the best of it, cultivate a streak
of xeno-exhibitionism,
waggle my eyebrows, and make jokes
about breeding in captivity.
If I became lost in
the multiverse, exploring
infinite parallel dimensions, my
only criterion for settling
down somewhere would be
whether or not I could find you:
and once I did, I’d stay there even
if it was a world ruled by giant spider-
priests, or one where killer
robots won the Civil War, or even
a world where sandwiches
were never invented, because
you’d make it the best
of all possible worlds anyway,
and plus
we could get rich
off inventing sandwiches.
If the Singularity comes
and we upload our minds into a vast
computer simulation of near-infinite
complexity and perfect resolution,
and become capable of experiencing any
fantasy, exploring worlds bound only
by our enhanced imaginations,
I’d still spend at least 10^21 processing
cycles a month just sitting
on a virtual couch with you,
watching virtual TV,
eating virtual fajitas,
holding virtual hands,
and wishing
for the real thing.
Posted on February 14th, 2012 at 9:30 pm
Poems written for other people are always the best ones. Happy or sad.
Speaking (somewhat tangentially) of lovers and poetry, it was your “Orpheus Among the Cabbages” that first brought me back to writing poems after a long absence and introduced me to specfic poetry as an artistic possibility. Not that I have, since then, written so very much very well. But still. Thank you for your work. I hope you and your family are having quite a nice holiday.
Posted on February 14th, 2012 at 10:46 pm
Thanks, Ellie!
I don’t write much poetry myself, anymore. I should do so more often.
Posted on March 15th, 2012 at 1:11 pm
That is the best love poem I’ve read in my entire life! Hope to see you Sunday at the Other Change of Hob. (Dang, been reading your stuff for years; didn’t realize we’re practically neighbors.)
Posted on March 15th, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Awesome! Hope you make it to Other Change. Be sure to introduce yourself if you do.
I’ve been in the East Bay for about 11 years, mostly in Oakland — just moved to South Berkeley a couple years ago.
Posted on March 29th, 2014 at 10:42 am
This poem is so brilliant that we used it as a reading at our wedding ceremony last year. Thank you so much for writing it 🙂 x
Posted on March 29th, 2014 at 1:11 pm
So glad you like it, and congratulations on the marriage!
Posted on April 3rd, 2014 at 4:22 am
[…] Scientific Romance by Tim Pratt […]
Posted on July 23rd, 2015 at 10:07 am
My fiancee and me are reading this out to each other at our wedding this Saturday. It is amazing. 😉
Posted on July 23rd, 2015 at 11:03 am
Congratulations on the nuptials!
Posted on July 27th, 2015 at 8:21 am
Just attended a wedding where the justice of the peace read this out at the request of the couple, lots of chuckles and even a few tears.
Posted on July 27th, 2015 at 10:23 am
Always happy to hear this!
Posted on August 12th, 2015 at 9:03 am
[…] Scientific Romance Redux, […]
Posted on September 2nd, 2015 at 12:01 pm
[…] Iain and I then independently read our vows to each other with a few stollen choice lines from the interwebs: […]
Posted on December 13th, 2015 at 4:06 pm
Loved it!
Tim I thought I was a geek but after reading your poem I’m just a ge.
Posted on April 22nd, 2016 at 12:15 am
[…] genuine ceremony that was exactly what these two would have wanted. There was also a reading of Scientific Romance by Tim Pratt which I loved! Of course there were also almost as many cameras present as there […]
Posted on May 20th, 2016 at 5:15 am
This was silly and sweet and the perfect thing to share with my wife for our anniversary. Thank you for sharing it.
Posted on June 25th, 2016 at 7:40 pm
I would like to get a portion of this tattooed on me with your approval please. It has meant so much to me for so long!
Thanks!!
Posted on June 25th, 2016 at 10:22 pm
I would be honored! Please send me a photo if you do!
Posted on November 10th, 2016 at 1:34 pm
Echoing others: my husband and I asked two of our good friends to read this at our recent wedding, to many laughs and much applause. I was so happy to find something that was romantic and meaningful without just being heavy (and reflected our mutual love of scifi/fantasy!).
Posted on November 10th, 2016 at 5:21 pm
Yay! I’m so glad. Congratulations on the marriage!
Posted on December 12th, 2016 at 7:08 pm
Fascinating! My daughter and her groom also used selections of this poem for their wedding on November 5th. Due to a cold, the reader ended up sharing the reading with her brother – and the resulting duet was even better than expected as it included both “voices” (bride and groom). Thanks for sharing this poem!
Mother of the bride.
Posted on December 14th, 2016 at 5:26 pm
[…] an emotional ceremony to say the least. Keeping with the science fiction idea, the groom read from a poem by Tim Pratt. Here is a small sample of the […]
Posted on February 23rd, 2017 at 7:13 pm
Thank you so much for creating and sharing this!!! If it is okay with you, I would love to recite some of this poem during my wedding ceremony this Spring. You see, I love Science more than English, and every vow I try to write, sounds like a cheesy scene in a telenovela.
Posted on February 23rd, 2017 at 7:14 pm
Feel free, and congratulations on the upcoming marriage!
Posted on March 18th, 2017 at 11:43 pm
Just heard this read at a wedding – more than a few laughs and tears ensued. It’s lovely, thank you.
Posted on March 19th, 2017 at 12:01 am
Always happy to hear that!
Posted on April 2nd, 2017 at 12:47 pm
Is this published in any books that I can purchase???
Posted on April 2nd, 2017 at 1:45 pm
Yep! In my collection Antiquities and Tangibles: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AVMIHKC
Posted on January 8th, 2019 at 10:07 am
When I originally commented I seem to have clicked
on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox
and now each time a comment is added I recieve four emails
with the same comment. There has to be a means you are
able to remove me from that service? Kudos!
Posted on January 8th, 2019 at 10:51 am
Uh, I haven’t the foggiest idea how that works but I don’t think it’s something I can do?
Posted on April 13th, 2020 at 2:23 pm
Hi Tim! Just another fan who loves your poem. We read it together at our wedding last summer, alternating verses. The three-way line got an incredible laugh from my husband’s stepmom.
Posted on April 13th, 2020 at 3:10 pm
How wonderful! Congratulations on the nuptials!